Deepak Chopra came to my hometown, Montreal, for a speaking engagement on my birthday a fews back and although my Dad had just passed only weeks before I felt a strong pull to go. It ended up being one of my greatest gifts in that time of grief and release of my father. I can’t explain why because it’s so out of character for me but I just needed to talk to Deepak. Why him? That part I can easily explain: I could feel his compassionate spirit and I knew I would be safe with him. I needed to meet him directly and share my sadness of how my father died with him.
My friends and I waited in line, everyone with books in hand to be signed and me with only my sadness, my story, my need. My turn approaches and I knee down next to him tears filling my eyes and say, “Deepak I’m so happy to meet you. You have been a hero of mine for so long. Thank you for all you do for humanity from my inner heart. I have no book to sign but I have a story to share with you about my father. I’m following my intuitive heart to you; it’s just been telling me to meet you and tell you about my father Fred who passed away a few weeks ago.”
He looked at me in the eyes and replied, “of course please tell me the story” even though both of us were aware of a long line building up behind me. And then, with time suspended, everything around me became nonexistent except for this one life changing moment sharing my pain with Deepak.
So I tell him my story: My Dad and I had a volatile relationship. We agreed on nothing. For years I fought with him to take care of his health and to improve his life. He always managed to shut me up; blame, shame, guilt, down-right rudeness, tears, everything. I knew he was suffering so much and just did my level best to love him as much as I could under the circumstances of our challenging relationship.
My own life has been riddled with adversity and struggle; self-imposed and not self-imposed. Abuse has run in my life in many forms so I understood the horrible pain of addiction and the pain of not being able to succeed to make things happen for myself, such as my relationship with my father.
My father suffered from self-hate and the not good enough feelings which leaded to his obesity and he died from it. I couldn’t help him hard though I tried. It was my greatest pain to watch is slowly kill himself with the comfort he got from over indulgence in food.
I know everyone loses people they love and it’s always hard but it’s especially difficult to say good-bye to someone with whom much of the relationship remains unresolved. All of this is hard to hold onto and even harder to let go of.
Deepak held my heart in his heart. He shared my sadness with me. With intent in his eyes, he looked at me soul to soul and I was swept away by his words of compassion and his offering of spiritual love filling me up with peace and deep understanding.
I walked away better, whole, and well again.