Healing history is one of the most mind boggling and scariest things to do. History in the world, history in yourself, history in your family, it doesn’t matter what that history is. It’s very scary, and so often quite painful to consider going back, to look, and experience what happened in the past. But it’s what we must to do when we don’t have freedom in our hearts. It is the right thing to do when our bodies hurt or our emotions hurt because our bodies hold undiscovered pain that lives in our hearts that need to be healed, transformed and released.
When I was 23 years old I found my first healer. He was an incredible man. I was a savage at that point, broken in pieces, addicted to every substance known to man.
My body was broken.
My heart was broken.
My mind was almost broken, but I had hope.
My emotions swollen with shame.
The day my mind and my heart came together and I had a moment of clarity that spoke to me about making a plan and a path that could bring me into a new realm of possibilities inside myself. It started with truth when I finally told someone about how I was really living. I told on myself.
I know many of you now are living with deep secrets, hiding your shame under drugs and alcohol, anger and frustration, bad relationships, but are suffering so deeply and immensely so your vulnerability is not to be exposed. This takes a lot of energy. All of it in fact. It’s very hard to experience this pain, to live it on repeat. It causes agony inside, our perception lost, and it clogs our reality and possibilities. The wounds that live inside of us, they live deep because our bodies and our minds try to bury them. Our bodies hide them in the corners of itself, creating sickness and illness because it can only hold the pain hidden for so long as we resist.
I offer you hope, if you let go of resistance and you open yourself to the possibilities that sharing the truth is how we you can heal history. In order to do this you must create an opening within your mind to listen to your body signals with love and compassion. You need to experience yourself fully to heal your history. Feel it to heal it. You can will it away with words, or outrun it. It doesn’t work like that. The only way out is in and through to the other side of it.
Seeking help from qualified people that can assist you like my friend, Eduardo Morales, who was my first healer that helped heal through energy and body work. It wasn’t any easy time by any stretch of the imagination. This was some of the deepest and most immense pain that I had to release out. Anger, rage, sadness to name a few. He worked with me energetically. He worked with me to release the tension in my body that I had been holding for years and years and years, and I was only 23. We worked together for a year and he liberated me on so many levels from his compassion and care. I cried with him a lot. He held my shame in his hands. He told me it would be okay. He told me that I could do it. He showed me the way, like so many others, since him. He was my beginning, the gift that I gave myself to allow someone else to touch me, in my heart, to see my pain in my body and to understand what it was trying to say so I could move forward and be free.
Sacred as they come he listened to me cry about the shame, anger and hardship that I experienced and he told me it wasn’t my fault. He sat with me as I cried and cried and cried my emotions would rise so high, that I wasn’t able to camouflage them no matter how hard I tried. This was over 30 years ago. He was the beginning of my healing. And to this day I will always remember him and the many many others who have helped me take steps forward into the next phase of enlightened healing and to the next phase of my personal inner freedom. Each one sacredly holding space for me, helping me move forward, helping me move vulnerably into clarity, and allowing me to embrace the pain that I really had in my heart and move deliberately into clarity, move into transformation, and move into love. It is from this that I was able to turn victim hood into victory.
Sometimes we have to be hopeful and patient because we don’t know if we are going to come out the other side. Some people’s life experiences are so traumatic and so difficult to embrace and face that it takes a long time. It will take your patience and your kindness to be there for yourself. It will take your patience and your kindness to have compassion for yourself, to realize that in all the hate and the unworthiness is the true you that knows it was never your fault.
You may be accountable for some of it now but in the beginning it was never your fault. You are probably doing the best you can even now, but today if this is you, it is time to heal. You must face the truth knowing you deserve to give yourself a chance to move through these emotions, and the physical manifestations of your pain, and allow yourself to find your freedom. Your feelings need a voice. Your heart needs expression. Your mind needs clarity so you will need through the waves of emotions and through them until you come out the other side.
The waves may crash down on you sometimes and the waves other times may be very small and just wash over you. Your subconscious is holding keys to the pain that you have experienced that needs to be purged and needs to be transformed into the light so that you can be free. You were born to be free that is clear. You just have to understand that some of the things that are holding you back today live in your history, the history of your body, the history of your emotions, and the history of your life and maybe even a past life. And it’s okay to go back and clean them up, clear them out and release them, and have them replaced with all that you are that is hidden underneath them.
It’s easier said than done but when you start to let go and accept there is more of you that is going on within than what you actually allow yourself to say it is very revealing. If you are one of those people who ran away from yourself, and if you run away from your pain, if you stand still for one moment and you declare to yourself that it is safe for you to be in this space of truth then the truth will set you free into healing your history, your journey will begin of transformation leading into that freedom you long for.
My wish for you is that you allow this. My wish for you is that you say, yes, I will, and I can heal my history. I will not let anything inside of me hurt my heart anymore without my choice and my permission. I will find those that can help me through these experiences. I will heal my history. I am, and I deserve to heal my history. Lock that into your vision and unlock your soul self because that light you are will show case to you the amazing being you are.
I can give you this hope because I have done more than anyone I know to heal. I have come from complete nothingness within into a celebrating person who enjoys many things in her life, who is open, willing and ready to heal for myself at anytime. I’ve come from the totality of darkness into light and I know sometimes that journey feels to scarey to take but it’s worth it.
I am writing this vulnerability to share with you that you can heal. And there are places and times where we all have to dig into it a very very deep place of pain temporarily to see who we have become so we can choose who we want to be instead.There are places and spaces where it’s a small little shift of truth that will heal everything in the past.
My gift for you is to tell you that you can. My passion is to help you get on the trip of transformation and tell you that if I can heal, you can heal (that was right out of the rocky movie when he fights the russian dude – “If I can change and you can change then we can all change “ in a Rocky voice of course).
My gift for you is to tell you that underneath the layers of yourself is this incredible light being, beautiful and magnificent, and if you give yourself a chance to explore that person you will not be disappointed in anyway. You will be free. Finally.
By allowing yourself to know yourself, allowing yourself to explore yourself and allowing yourself to be all that you can be through your own healing of history you will rise.
You will find your soul purpose.
You will be free from your own pain.
You will be liberated from the past and you will become the wisdom of your history victorious and free to live your life on your terms.
Bless you, and I will see you next time.