When is it time to say good-bye? Relationships are very difficult when they aren’t aligned with love. This is true whether it’s a friend, lover, family member or co-worker. It doesn’t matter the type of relationship, when it’s not the right fit, your inner workings will tell you something is off.
In my coaching, I’ve learned one of the hardest experiences for people to face and understand is that their inner response is a signal to the way they’re digesting the world around them. You see, your gut is always trying to tell you about your own happiness especially when you’re trying to do something that isn’t good for you. Your inner core doesn’t lie, it reveals through your discomfort what is happening in your life.
It’s always important to take time to understand and to explore what it is that you’re experiencing in every life situation. This is no joke. You tell yourself the truth by what are experiencing within. It’s in this experience that you find your true answers and guidance. When your heart is saying this doesn’t feel right and you’re trying to convince yourself of something else and force it to feel right, to make this work, you’re not listening in the right way to yourself.
The common theme that people have is they don’t want to explore their inner guidance, the one that’s saying what they don’t want to hear but they somehow feel and know is true. They believe that they have to leave a relationship right away, so they avoid listening to the inner possible growth opportunities. They shut off, they won’t listen, they ignore their inner emotional body and it’s honesty, they run and hide and they refuse to conquer their inner workings. Instead they go into a maze of confusion about how they feel, and THAT’S where the weaknesses lies friends.
It’s in efforts of you taking the adventure trip and diving into your inner knowing, listening to your core, to what’s in your heart, because in seeking the truth motivated by love for yourself and not for the other, you conquer your life. If you don’t really love somebody fully and you’ve forced yourself to stay, trying to make them change, it’s because you don’t want to face your inner feelings and the own reasons behind why your destructive with self.
The other important factor that you may not realize is that you’re not being honest with the other person. You’re manipulating them through your own avoidance. Often people claim that they love the person so much and can’t see life without them even though they know, or even slightly feel that the person may not right for them and even more so, that they are not right for that person. They say it’s the love that holding them hostage in the relationship, but this is not so. It’s their unwillingness to look within themselves. I know, this a doozy right? Walk with me a little more on this.
What’s happening is avoidance of personal pain, the ability to love another without conditions and control. When you want someone to change for you that’s conditional love, it’s not pure it’s manipulation, a lie, spreading the suffering to others.
People have a right not to change if they don’t want to, it’s their right as human beings to be where they are and remain where they are even if it doesn’t serve you. The right kind of relationship is the kind where people are willing to change and grow because it’s needed, because it will bring improvement to their true love.
Are you in a relationship that the person is unwilling to change? I ask you to challenge yourself and move toward this introspective question “What is the greatest gift I can give them?”.
- Is telling them they’re wrong because they won’t change appropriate?
- Is pointing out what they’re doing wrong all the time going to help?
- Is staying with them even though you’re suffering worth it?
- Is pointing out that they don’t make me happy over and over again how you want to live your life?
- Is using them to suffer more what you want?
- Is using them to say I don’t get what and I need your excuse to avoid doing your own work?
- Is using them to beat yourself up why you stay? ( subconsciously of course, not consciously, but now that I’m shining a big bright light on it … )
Is the right thing for you to do to stay in that place of suffering, or is it to move forward to encouraging love? When you tell somebody they have to change for you, and you wait for them to change for you, you’re the one that’s conditional. You’re the one that’s hurting them, you’re the one that’s using them to suffer more. ( I know that’s confusing and hard to hear, but it’s true in most cases, I will dive deeper into that in my next blog )
The greatest gift you can give somebody that you want to change so your relationship can be what you want it to be, is let your expectations go. Let them live and let live. Love them enough to say goodbye or love them enough to accept them the way they are. If they do not make you happy and you’ve made it clear, and they don’t want to change, then stop asking them to change. It’s not your place to ask anyone to change. Change is an invitation to growth, to more, and sadly there are people that just don’t RSVP to the party. My advice for you if you find yourself in this situation with someone that you are willing to change and they won’t is:
- Decide how YOU need to change;
- Decide if this relationship is even something that is good for you;
- Decide to do something that can make it better;
- Decide to be responsible;
- Decide to stop whining and start taking action with your own life;
- Decide to face the party that’s complainer;
- Decide to face your own unworthiness;
- Decide to be grateful for the lessons;
- Decide to face yourself 100% if you don’t know how, ask me, I’m here;
- Decide to be responsible for all the things that you’re creating;
- Decide to face your own manifestation;
- Decide to face your pass if needed;
- Decide to be courageous;
- Decide to embrace your imperfections; perfectly imperfect is the new black;
- Decide to be honest;
- Decide to stop focusing on other people until you understand yourself;
- Decide to release blame;
- Decide to forgive;
- Decide to face a shame once and for all;
- And most of all, decide to be a highroad person.
I share this because many people who complain about someone they love mostly have reasons that are personal and selfish. It’s much easier to focus on someone else than ourselves. This is a learned behaviour.
When you find yourself with a deep desire to make someone capable and it’s impossible for them, you are the one who has the growth to observe. It is you that is making suffer by asking for what they cannot see, do, or be. It is by asking them to be something they can’t be that you deem yourself unworthy. I ask you to look at yourself and find what you’re really creating.
There’s ways to express your feelings to people that don’t make you happy, there’s ways to love them even if they cannot change. It’s you that must alter the course and decisions you make in your relationships when you are dealing with an unopened person. The best question to ask yourself is who do I want to be for them and for me ?
You have to start with you. If you’re whining and complaining and suffering about somebody, what you’re actually saying to yourself is “I’m not good at living honestly and unconditionally”.
It’s you that is limited, not them, based on your own desires. They’re actually not the problem, you are.This is you failing yourself. It’s not their fault that you’re forcing yourself to stay. It’s not their fault if you’re not honest with yourself. It’s not their fault if they choose not to change for you, and that you want to continue waiting for them to change. People have the right to choose how they want to live their life, although this difficult for many to understand.
The better question for you to ask yourself is: How much longer are you willing to wait on them to change and grow? How much longer are you willing to suffer and beg?
The guidance come from these personal seekings and these soul deep questions. Can you be honest and talk to them like a friend and just tell them the truth? That waiting is not going to work for you? That you accept them as they are, but can’t continue to live with so much unhappiness? Can you grow out of it? Can you let go of something that isn’t serving you? Can you learn to take better care of yourself so you can move forward freely? Can you choose to be the person who can receive and give love unconditionally? Are you willing to explore and transform your beliefs in your own mind? Will you accept this once in a lifetime invitation?
By accepting the invitation, you invite yourself be become a person who can love on fire. Someone who can love deeply, who can profoundly accept another person where they are and decide where they fit in your life. It may well be you find out that YOU are a person who loves to complain, who loves to use excuses, who isn’t standing in their own power and who uses their relationships to accomplish that sacrificial result. I know … ouch right?
The quest for self honesty is your solution. The quest for truth is your strategy. The quest for the higher road is the vision. You have to choose who you’re gonna be in all your relationships. You have to choose what you can live with and without. You have to choose your conditions, your judgements, the way you’re going to do your life. It is not about them, it’s about you and the opportunity to love more, be more, and vibrationally attract what it is you ultimately are seeking. Just like when you’re taking a trip somewhere you’ve never been. You need a plan. You need a map, you need guidance to get there. You need to check conditions and adjust your journey accordingly.
People who complain and don’t do anything about it are the problem. If you’re with somebody like that, or you’re like that, it’s because you’re not vibrationally matched. Shift so you can call in higher forms of love into your relationships.
The key to attracting great love is vision. You have to see what you want to give and receive and vibrationally match that to your beliefs, expectations and self discipline.
How you want to be, and how you want to love is 100% your choice. The past is only a memory, the future is only one decision away. Relationships work when you’re in a place of integrity, honesty and when you’re fully responsible and committed to pure love in the highest form. It’s in this place that we become enlightened and can attract and build relationships that are on a grand scale of joy, peace and love.
Say the following out loud. Reaffirm them by writing them down and speaking them aloud again, in doing so, you integrate in these new beliefs into your soul allowing you to rise up to the miracles that await you:
- I can find what I’m looking for because I own my life and my vibration;
- I can live in integrity which is my sanctuary;
- I can let go of relationships that I do not serve and that do not serve me at my highest form:
- I can let go because I want them to change and that is not who I am;
- I choose to say goodbye to all things that are out of alignment with my highest good.
- With peace and joy I say hello to the parts of myself that allow people to be free;
- I can love without conditions or control.
Much Love, Lisa xox