It’s been 10 years since my mother left us. When death arrives we’re never really ready if we’re honest with ourselves, or at least I wasn’t ready for June 7th 2007. Mainly because I thought we would have so much more time together. Mainly because we were just starting our beautiful journey as mother and daughter.
We never fully know what spirit has in store for us and when we will be called back home because our time on earth is complete. Many of us suffer because someone we love so deeply was taken too soon and we live with regret. This is why it is so important to love the people we love while they’re still here. Send flowers, send cards not to their funeral. To their home while they’re alive to enjoy the sentiment.
When my mother Elayna Todd passed away, 10 years ago today I wasn’t quite ready and I had to surrender into faith to accept it was her time. Today I feel quiet inside yet I still struggle with waves of sadness. The daughter in me is longing for the comfort of her voice, the sound of her laughter and the sharing of all our lessons learned together.
My mom and I, well we had an interesting and very bumpy road for most of my life except for the last 10 years of hers. We were finally able to find peace and a deeper sense of acceptance and forgiveness. I loved her deeply with an unbreakable bond, one that I often tried to break out of anger from the past. I never could succeed at breaking that bond because our relationship was so unique and special and it had a purpose to fulfill. I knew healing with her was a huge part of my life path, as we had a soul contract to fulfill.
Today I celebrate that the bond and the deep feelings I felt for my mother were unbreakable. That we persevered the test of time, pain, rejection and failure, and we were able to turn our relationship around with love and faith and we were able to be there for the other in ways we always needed. It took us 35 years but we did it, together because neither of us gave up on the other. That’s what true love is.
Today, I celebrate you mom and all the lessons we had to learn and all the things we had to unlearned together. It took me years to realize that I really needed my mom and that I loved her.
Abandoned and rejected by her and my father and at tender age of 9. As an evolved adult I now understand why they neglected their parental duties and left me alone for perpetrators to do whatever they wanted and did to me. I don’t think we ever fully recover from that, I know my mother never did, and she had deep trouble accepting that her troubles left her daughter to be abused, physically, emotionally and sexually.
It’s hard to believe that we were able to recover from all that, as the wounds were extremely deep on both sides. My mom could hardly talk about my life and what happen to me because she knew deep in her heart she was responsible. Today I understand that she was just a messed up kid herself. She got married so young, at 19 years of age and got pregnant right away with my brother and then me 2 years later. She was a baby herself. Although, it took me most of my life to come to this realization due to the pain I felt in my heart and the abuse I suffered, we were able to find healing on both sides and that was and is a huge blessing in my life.
When I began to change my life at 23, one of the absolutes and non negotiables for me was to bringing truth to my relationship with my parents. I chose to force it to open the dialogue. My mom willingly accepted and at times, forcefully resisted at others because her own growth was to hard to face. It only lasted a while until my mother could stomach facing herself which she successfully did, and I am so proud of her for this. This made a huge shift for me in my life, sincere words like “sorry that wasn’t your fault, it was mine. I take my responsibility”.
These words are life altering, they bring the deepest forgiveness into our hearts.
That part of my healing process was nonnegotiable to me and it’s possible for anyone reading this that has deep wounds. Seek to understand instead of standing in judgement.
I personally needed to understand how I ended up in such a horrible situation because they didn’t show up as parents.
I discovered my parents love and our deep bond was formed when my mother was dying. The day before she passed she looked at me in the eyes and said, “get your father on the phone and get out of the room”. My mother knew she was crossing over soon and wanted to tell my father things. Together they created life, no matter how tumultuous their relationship was, they shared a bond and for the first time in my life, I saw it clearly and recognized their love.
On this 10 year anniversary of my mom’s passing, I am celebrating the years we had of healing and of her willingness to face herself and talk to me openly about it. Brave she was for doing this as it takes courage to hear how your actions have influenced and impacted your own child’s life.
Something I recommend with all my heart is if you don’t listen to your kids, then you must. This was life changing for me and for them. It’s never easy to hear your shortcomings and failures, I know that was not easy for her to hear what I went through when she wasn’t there to protect me from the predators and the violence that I experienced as a result.
I don’t think I ever expressed to her, or as much as I probably wish I did looking back today, how much it meant to me that she was there to have these healing moments with. That she spoke with me openly, honestly and listened many times to my growing pains and tried to just be there for me. It was great healing for me to have her ear and to know she was trying to understand my life even if it made her feel tremendous pain in her own heart.
Today on this 10 year anniversary I’m grateful with tears in my eyes and love in my heart as I write this because my mother helped me heal. She was a pioneer of transformation back when no one else believed, my mom did. Although as messy our relationship was, I look at myself as one of the luckiest people alive. Because my mother introduced me to the idea that was it okay to be different, and it was okay to face the truth of your life and to change it and that’s exactly what I’ve done thanks to her. It is now my life’s work to help others find healing and transform their lives.
I’m grateful for all the tears shed between us, the anger exchanged, all the hope and love we found together through our transformational journey. Because of this, we shared 10 years of love at the deepest level. In the end, I knew my mom was proud of me, I knew she was there for me without a shadow of a doubt. I said all I needed to say, so she passed without regret.
This is a huge thing to have accomplished after the way I grew up with a broken mother who broke me. To heal the breaks in each other and in the end to find out we were unbreakable is one of the greatest treasures of my life. Knowing that love can persevere if you’re persistent and you’re willing to live in truth.
My mom and I shared the most honest conversations, she trusted me with her pain and I trusted mine with her even though she let me down in the past. She forgave me for my trying teenage years and I forgave her for her early start as a mom.
Everyone is deserving of a second chance in life if they take responsibility and are committed to healing and changing behaviours. If your heart hurts today too because you miss somebody that you loved so deeply, I send you prayers and love and light. I know exactly how you feel as pain unites us all.
Know that you’re not alone.
Know that I’m with you.
Know that your loved ones are with you even if you miss them.
Know that this too shall pass in time.
Know that being honest about your feelings is In honor to them.
Know I’m celebrating with you the life of the person that he loved.
Know that you can always forgive them.
Know that you can heal. It’s been 10 years since you left
With all my heart my mom I honor you today my beautiful butterfly.
Love your daughter always and forever,